Right Now or Not Yet?
by writingmom
Summary: One story, two endings from an author who couldn't decide. Based loosely on Surface Warfare.
1. Shipper Ending

Sarah Mackenzie felt as beautiful as she looked. It wasn't often that the marine was able to dress up, but tonight, she felt radiant. The red silk gown was just the right fit. Her hair cooperated fully and her skin was glowing. It didn't even bother her that she was without a date. Sure, it would have been even better if she didn't have to see Renee, but she had dealt with her before and wasn't scared. Annoyed, maybe, but not intimidated. Not tonight.

She tried to convince herself that Harm wasn't looking her direction every 30 seconds. It was probably just her imagination, but it seemed like he was trying to silently get her attention. She ignored the nagging feeling and joined the rest of the group before entering the ballroom to hear Admiral Chegwidden give his speech.

"Flying solo?" Renee asked, and Mac just smiled. "Well, don't worry. I think the bartender is single." She smirked before turning to enter the room. 

Mac rolled her eyes and pretended not to be bothered. The ballroom lights were dimmed as Admiral Chegwidden accepted his award and began his speech. Mac felt like someone was staring at her, but she didn't dare turn around to see if her instincts were right. It was probably Renee, again, being petty. When the Admiral's speech was finished, Mac excused herself to go to the restroom.

"Hello gorgeous." She heard as she made her way down the hall.

"Mic! What are you doing here?" She was stunned and tried to be happy.

"I resigned my commission. I left the Navy to come to the states and be with the woman I love." He leaned in for a kiss, just in time for Harm to see. He had been dying to steal a moment alone with Mac and used her bathroom break as an excuse for his own. Silently defeated, he turned and went back to the ballroom.

Harm kept looking at his watch and after thirty minutes, Mac still hadn't returned. He decided to go check on her, even though Renee tried to persuade him to stay. He had little patience for her insecurities when Mac was out there possibly deciding her future. Mic had certainly moved in for the kill in Australia. The ring, the smiles, the promises…it all made Harm sick. And yet, how could he blame her? He'd pushed her away. Well, that's what it seemed like to her, and he couldn't argue. "Not yet" was supposed to imply "I'm scared, but I'd love to." Instead it sounded like…well…"not yet." Which to her must have sounded like "Maybe not ever."

He looked both ways after leaving the ballroom, and instead of seeing Mac, he saw Mic sitting alone on a bench. "Where's Mac?" He immediately asked.

Mic just smirked. "Wouldn't you and I both like to know."

"Did something happen?" Harm asked, secretly hopeful.

"Yeah, something happened alright. I gave up my job to be with her, and she decides that she needs to leave." Mic stated with pain in his eyes.

"Where did she go?"

"Got me. Told me she needs her space." 

"Mic—" Harm tried to find something polite to say, even though he knew that he was not the man to offer Mic his condolences. He had never liked this guy. Not with Mac, anyway, and even though he may have had a good heart, he didn't like the way he manipulated her with his grand gestures. "I'm sure she'll be back." It was a lame response, but he had to say something.

Mic was not touched. "To who, mate?" He stared at Harm in disgust before turning to walk away.

Harm immediately pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number. After several rings, he got her voicemail. "Mac, it's me. You should have told me you were leaving. I just saw Mic." He paused. "Anyway, give me a call. Let me know you're o.k."

He flipped his phone shut just as Renee approached him. She stood, with her arms crossed, looking down at the floor. "So, did you get a hold of her?"

"Renee—"

"Harm, what are we doing?" 

Now it was Harm that looked at the floor. "I don't know."

"You need to make a decision. Either you and I move forward or else you put me out of my misery now, because frankly, watching you pine after Mac is not cutting it for me."

"I'm not pining after her. She's my friend and I'm concerned."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, there's a little too much of your 'friend' in our relationship. What's it going to be, Harm, G.I. Jane or me?" 

"You're asking me to choose between you and my friendship with Mac?"

Renee stood silent, waiting for her answer.

His silence held the answer. "I'm calling a cab." She spat, hoping that he would object. When he didn't, she turned and walked away.

It was just after midnight when his phone finally rang. He sat up, startled, and answered it without thinking. "Mac?" 

"Hey, sorry to wake you." 

"No, you didn't. Is everything o.k.?"

"I went for a little drive. I needed to clear my head."

"Mac, come over. Let's talk."

"Harm, I'm only calling to let you know that I'm o.k. I got your message and didn't want you to worry."

"Then let me meet you. Name the place."

She laughed. "Harm, that's not necessary. I mean, it's the middle of the night and—"

"Renee's not here."

"Oh." She didn't want to know the details.

"Mac, come to me."

There was silence on the other end. It sounded like she was starting to cry, but he couldn't be sure.

"I'm o.k., really."

"Then come over. We'll talk. I'll make popcorn. I'll order pizza, whatever."

"I need a better reason." It was simple and to the point.

"You know the reason." Silence again. "I'm waiting." 

It was forty-five minutes later when he heard the knock on his door. The butterflies in his stomach could not have been more alive. It felt like two hours since they'd spoken. He needed to see her; needed to know what she was thinking about Mic's announcement.

She still looked as beautiful as she did when he first saw her the night before. "Hey." He said. He felt like he was waiting for an answer right then. "I'm marrying him, Harm." Were the words that ran through his mind and for a moment, he stood there frozen, both fearful and mesmerized.

"Can…I come in?" She smiled, bringing him back to reality.

"Of course, yeah, come on in."

She set her purse down on the counter and walked over to the window. Her back was bare and he couldn't take his eyes off of it. Her skin was so smooth. He wanted to reach out and touch—but he couldn't. The words "not yet" were standing in his way and he kicked himself yet again for not taking the chance on the ferry.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He tried to play it calm, assuming the role of concerned colleague and friend.

"He resigned his commission. To be with me." There was no emotion in her voice. Was she glad? Happy? Furious? He couldn't tell.

"I see." He knew because he had heard the conversation, but didn't admit it to her.

"Do you?" 

He was confused by her question. She lifted her finger and began drawing a line from the window pane to the windowsill, like a child lost in thought.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

She dropped her hand and turned to face him, still leaning against the wall. "What do you see when you look at me?" 

She was going to the place that hadn't served her well in the past. And yet, she needed to know. If "not yet" meant two weeks, two days, or two years, she needed to know. It was asking a lot, but she couldn't put her future on hold for someone if there was no hope.

She stared directly into his eyes, waiting. He swallowed hard. He was clearly conflicted; uncomfortable, even. Inside, the battle was raging between his heart and his mind. He shoved his hands down into the pockets of his jeans as if he could pull the answer out like a lint-covered dime. His shoulders shrugged on impulse. He was nervous, but he knew that he couldn't leave it at "not yet."

He walked over to where she stood, but didn't look up. He couldn't. Yet. He was now just inches away from where she stood, still leaning against the window, her own hands hidden behind her back. Her scent was pulling him. This was it. The moment was before him and even though he thought it would be easier to retreat, the weight of the regret that he carried with him since Australia was begging him to let go; to act.

Slowly, he lifted his head and found her eyes, full of question, seeking guidance. Waiting.

"I see a desirable woman."

She closed her eyes as relief washed over. Her entire body was tingling and he could see it. This was the momentum that he needed.

With his hands still in his pockets, he leaned in until they stood, cheek to cheek. His mouth rested gently on her ear and he whispered, "Don't marry him. Please."

Summoning all the strength that she could find, she whispered back. "Why?" She couldn't help it. She needed to know. She needed to hear the words, and this time, he did not disappoint.

Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he reached for her arms. He found her hands and placed them on his chest, covered by his own, his mouth still covering her ear, her eyes still closed as if willing herself not to wake up. "Because I love you, Sarah."

When his mouth descended on her earlobe and then on to her neck, the breath that she'd been holding finally made its escape. Her hands moved from his chest to the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss that held all of the affirmation that was needed. Their hands moved furiously around one another, pulling themselves closer until no space between them was still too much.

In the parking lot below, Mic pulled the collar of his trench coat up around his ears and got back into his car. He'd driven there to see for himself what he already knew. It wasn't his time for love. Not yet.


	2. Angst Ending

Sarah Mackenzie felt as beautiful as she looked. It wasn't often that the marine was able to dress up, but tonight, she felt radiant. The red silk gown was just the right fit. Her hair cooperated fully and her skin was glowing. It didn't even bother her that she was without a date. Sure, it would have been even better if she didn't have to see Renee, but she had dealt with her before and wasn't scared. Annoyed, maybe, but not intimidated. Not tonight.

She tried to convince herself that Harm wasn't looking her direction every 30 seconds. It was probably just her imagination, but it seemed like he was trying to silently get her attention. She ignored the nagging feeling and joined the rest of the group before entering the ballroom to hear Admiral Chegwidden give his speech.

"Flying solo?" Renee asked, and Mac just smiled. "Well, don't worry. I think the bartender is single." She smirked before turning to enter the room.

Mac rolled her eyes and pretended not to be bothered. The ballroom lights were dimmed as Admiral Chegwidden accepted his award and began his speech. Mac felt like someone was staring at her, but she didn't dare turn around to see if her instincts were right. It was probably Renee, again, being petty. When the Admiral's speech was finished, Mac excused herself to go to the restroom.

"Hello gorgeous." She heard as she made her way down the hall.

"Mic! What are you doing here?" She was stunned and tried to be happy.

"I resigned my commission. I left the Navy to come to the states and be with the woman I love." He leaned in for a kiss, just in time for Harm to see. He had been dying to steal a moment alone with Mac and used her bathroom break as an excuse for his own. Silently defeated, he turned and went back to the ballroom.

Harm kept looking at his watch and after thirty minutes, Mac still hadn't returned. He decided to go check on her, even though Renee tried to persuade him to stay. He had little patience for her insecurities when Mac was out there possibly deciding her future. Mic had certainly moved in for the kill in Australia. The ring, the smiles, the promises…it all made Harm sick. And yet, how could he blame her? He'd pushed her away. Well, that's what it seemed like to her, and he couldn't argue. "Not yet" was supposed to imply "I'm scared, but I'd love to." Instead it sounded like…well…"not yet." Which to her must have sounded like "Maybe not ever."

He looked both ways after leaving the ballroom, and instead of seeing Mac, he saw Mic sitting alone on a bench. "Where's Mac?" He immediately asked.

Mic just smirked. "Wouldn't you and I both like to know."

"Did something happen?" Harm asked, secretly hopeful.

"Yeah, something happened alright. I gave up my job to be with her, and she decides that she needs to leave." Mic stated with pain in his eyes.

"Where did she go?"

"Got me. Told me she needs her space."

"Mic—" Harm tried to find something polite to say, even though he knew that he was not the man to offer Mic his condolences. He had never liked this guy. Not with Mac, anyway, and even though he may have had a good heart, he didn't like the way he manipulated her with his grand gestures. "I'm sure she'll be back." It was a lame response, but he had to say something.

Mic was not touched. "To who, mate?" He stared at Harm in disgust before turning to walk away.

Harm immediately pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number. After several rings, he got her voicemail. "Mac, it's me. You should have told me you were leaving. I just saw Mic." He paused. "Anyway, give me a call. Let me know you're o.k."

He flipped his phone shut just as Renee approached him. She stood, with her arms crossed, looking down at the floor. "So, did you get a hold of her?"

"Renee—"

"Harm, what are we doing?"

Now it was Harm that looked at the floor. "I don't know."

"You need to make a decision. Either you and I move forward or else you put me out of my misery now, because frankly, watching you pine after Mac is not cutting it for me."

"I'm not pining after her. She's my friend and I'm concerned."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, there's a little too much of your 'friend' in our relationship. What's it going to be, Harm, G.I. Jane or me?"

"You're asking me to choose between you and my friendship with Mac?"

Renee stood silent, waiting for her answer.

The answer was given in his silence.She was disgusted and tearful. "I'm calling a cab." She said, hoping that he would object, but he didn't. Instead, he turned and headed to his car.

It was just after midnight when his phone finallyrang. He sat up, startled, and answered it without thinking. "Mac?"

"Hey, sorry to wake you."

"No, you didn't. Is everything o.k.?"

"I went for a little drive. I needed to clear my head."

"Mac, come over. Let's talk."

"Harm, I'm only calling to let you know that I'm o.k. I got your message and didn't want you to worry."

"Then let me meet you. Name the place."

She laughed. "Harm, that's not necessary. I mean, it's the middle of the night and—"

"Renee's not here."

"Oh." She didn't want to know the details.

"Mac, come to me."

There was silence on the other end. It sounded like she was starting to cry, but he couldn't be sure.

"I'm o.k., really."

"Then come over. We'll talk. I'll make popcorn. I'll order pizza, whatever."

"I need a better reason." It was simple and to the point.

"You know the reason." There was silence again.

It was forty-five minutes later when he heard the knock on his door. The butterflies in his stomach could not have been more alive. It felt like two hours since they'd spoken. He needed to see her; needed to know what she was thinking about Mic's announcement.

She still looked as beautiful as she did when he first saw her the night before. "Hey." He said. He felt like he was waiting for an answer right then. "I'm marrying him, Harm." Were the words that ran through his mind and for a moment, he stood there frozen, both fearful and mesmerized.

"Can…I come in?" She smiled, bringing him back to reality.

"Of course, yeah, come on in."

She set her purse down on the counter and walked over to the window. Her back was bare and he couldn't take his eyes off of it. Her skin was so smooth. He wanted to reach out and touch—but he couldn't. The words "not yet" were standing in his way and he kicked himself yet again for not taking the chance on the ferry.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He tried to play it calm, assuming the role of concerned colleague and friend.

"He resigned his commission. To be with me." There was no emotion in her voice. Was she glad? Happy? Furious? He couldn't tell.

"I see." He knew because he had heard the conversation, but didn't admit it to her.

"What's the reason, Harm?" She now lifted a finger and began tracing a line from the window pane to the wall as if she were a child lost in her thoughts.

"The reason?"

"On the phone. You told me that I know the reason." She stopped drawing the line on the glass and turned to face him, still leaning against the window. There was intensity in her eyes, just like on the ferry.

He swallowed hard. The words just came out on the phone earlier. And now? What was he supposed to say? Honesty was always easier when she wasn't standing right in front of him. He felt like a turtle, slowly retreating back in to his shell. She could read him like a book and left her place across the room to stand directly in front of him. He was now seated on the barstool with his elbows propped on the counter behind him for support.

He didn't want to talk. Rather, he didn't want to have _this_ talk. He was panicking and even though it frustrated him, he couldn't help it. He wanted her to take the lead. He wanted her to do the talking and he just wanted to nod yes or no. It was a lazy, childish approach, but it's what felt comfortable at the moment. Seeing her before him, beautiful and charming and glowing…he had never felt like this about any other woman, and damnit, he was scared all over again. Just like on the ferry.

It was as if she read his mind. She looked right into his soul and could see the hesitation in his eyes. She waited, patiently, and let him absorb theweight of his non-response. They stared hard into one another's eyes for several minutes, both wanting to act, both waiting for the other to act first.

Finally, she moved. She took a step closer and leaned in ever so slowly. There was a tear forming in her eye, and he knew that once again, he had put it there. If she could only see that inwardly, he was screaming, begging his coward self to grab her and to kiss her. But he didn't. He was frozen, afraid, and had completely lost all of his momentum.

The tear fell on its own and she didn't bother to wipe it away. Instead, she reached behind him to grab her purse and stood up straight.

"I should have known." She whispered as another tear fell.

"Mac—" He spoke for the first time in minutes, and yet, it was all he could say. It was as though his voice had left him along with his nerve.

She gave him a small smile and turned to leave. She placed her hand on the doorknob and before opening it, said almost inaudibly, "He's right now and you're not yet." She shook her head and with that, was gone.


End file.
